By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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