he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
