first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
