Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
