I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
