The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
