I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
