Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
