when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
