I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
