he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
