omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
