they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
