apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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