It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
