Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We got so high we made milksteak
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
