You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
