he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
