No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
then he tried to convert me to islam
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
