i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
