If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
