Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
