Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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