i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there was a trapeze. enough said
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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