so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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