Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
