If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How does one acquire holy water?
I believe in your delicious
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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