Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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