I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
