going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
