im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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