We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm at about main and main street
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
