This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
