I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
