there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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