I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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