better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
