how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
