Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
