I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
