i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
