I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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