We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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