He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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