The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
