i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can't motorboat a personality
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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