just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
