Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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