o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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