I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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