Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
