Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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